A Book Is A Condom.

“I’m sure the only act that sells more books than a good banning is a good burning.”
~ Pansy Schneider-Horst

EBook reading devices are like telephones in call centres. Sometimes you want to throw a book across the room and sometimes you want to slam the phone down in an arseholes ear. With eBook readers, like call centre telephones, you just can’t get that satisfaction.

Some people insist that paper books are better, though I’m fine with either a physical book or a virtual copy on my iPad. Some people also insist that you should wear shoes all the time and I have no truck with that ideology either.

A recent article  (this isnt the exact article – but has a similar headline) cried out in horror (the way headlines do these days) that eBook reader sales were declining and paperback book sales were increasing. Logisticians and Mathematicians in the audience see the problem with this already.

Readers (devices that hold and display eBooks) are not the same as eBooks. Paperbacks are… well they are kinda both. Except they are a one use kind of device – like a condom.*

There is a rise in the tablet, the multi-use device, and of course the smartphone – all of which will read eBooks in any format and do a thousand other things. So why spend money on a Kindle (or a Nook, or a Kobo) that only does one thing?

The only saving grace to this decline is that developers of eBook reader technology can breathe a sigh of a relief as the number of appropriate names for your product are seriously limited. After the Kindle, the Kobo, the Nook, what is left?

The Ookb, The Koob, The Obko, The Boko (which would be rejected due to the closeness to Boko Haram – the unpleasant terrorist).

Amazon’s thinking outside the box with ‘Kindle’ isn’t as far out as you might hope. Kindle Fire and one day, the Kindle Ash will show them that the cheekily titled Kindle was not the best path to start down.

If someone can combine book reading with sex-hook-up apps and call it Kindle-Tinder (Tindle? Kinder? – okay maybe not in German speaking countries – that would be a Kinder Surprise no one wants).

  • Kindle Heat
  • Kindle Flame
  • Kindle Inferno
  • Kindle Charcoal
  • Kindle Coal
  • Kindle Cinder
  • Kindle Burn

People are still buying books. They are still buying a shitload of books. Of greater concern to me is that all these books are being bought, but how many are being read?

Buying a book and not reading it is like buying shoes you never wear, a car you never drive or a condom you never use (not even once).

*Unlike condoms, books of course can be used again, lent to friends and whipped out in public places like buses and cafes.

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